Is there anything more comforting than a man with a beard? This weekend, we'll celebrate the birth of one of the country's most famous good-hearted, bearded men which got me thinking - a good beard and a good man seem to go hand in hand. Don't get carried away though. All beards are not created equal. Please refer to this scale:
Let me explain further through a few examples:
1. Lincoln
I'm certain that each of you will celebrate Abe's special day by doing something full of good-will or incredibly studious like reading a cocktail recipe book by the fire and petting cats at PAWS. I believe Lincoln is probably the most widely accepted and respected beard in our nation's history.
2. Conan O'Brien
In 2010, much to the dismay of his fans, Coco ended his short stint as the host of The Tonight Show and on his final show he left his viewers with these words:
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."
... and he immediately began growing out his beard. I personally believe the beard gave him the power to survive the situation and come out on top. Also, I met him once and I assure you he is a gentleman and a scholar, worthy of such a beard (even though he has since shaved it).
3. Sam Beam
If you haven't noticed from my Music Monday posts, I am a huge folk music fan and therefore I had to throw in at least one folk musician to this list (no easy task, people... there are many bearded men playing guitar out there!). But what could be more soothing than Sam Beam of Iron & Wine softly singing sweet melodies? What, I ask! Nothing. I dare you to watch this and not shed a single tear for this Maryann girl he's singing about.
4. Jesus
How can he not be in this list? The man who turns water into wine, wears sandals all year round and is always hanging out with fishermen and carpenters? Sounds like a Pacific Northwesterner, if you ask me.
5. David the Gnome
There could be nothing less intimidating than a 6 inch tall bearded man in a red pointy hat. David the Gnome was a vegetarian. He was a doctor. He was 399 years old. And he had a lovely and lengthy snowy white beard. Some say it was the beard that gave him telepathic powers, though we may never know.
If you're having trouble making friends these days, try out a beard. Maybe even just a paper one like
this.
